Jenny Mosley’s Blog
Finally, I am my Mother
Fri, Jan 15th 2010
Photo: A Golden Moment on Christmas day!
Can Christmas really be called ‘a holiday’? The build up is so long and hectic. I don’t know how teachers cope. I went to see my new step-grandsons’ nativity play. This amazing school was putting it on twice in a day (afternoon and evening for working parents), for 2 days running. The kids were wired, the teachers tired. Of course it was wonderful and my heart lurched every time he secretly waved at me – but it is a herculean feat of organization. How do teachers do all this during the day and then go home, tend to their own children or elderly parents and get their own Christmas ready. Teachers really are unsung heroes.
After a big family Christmas - I have 3 new grandchildren and one little related baby one – but I think they are all wonderful. I am very lucky that the three new family arrivals are totally unspoilt. They are really appreciative and play for hours with Lego and monopoly without quarrelling – unlike my three when they were young. Anyway had loads of family for two days and then I went to pick up my mum from my niece to take her away with my fella, to a little holiday let cottage. I am now very tired and disorganised and discover, when I unpack, that I have left ALL my clothes behind. My mum is 87 and I have to wear her clothes all week. Being around just her, and in her clothes, really forced me to delve into what it means to become old, it is a scary world. She cannot do anything for herself, so all her familiar trappings of power have gone. Previously highly dynamic and independent she now has to rely on everyone else’s decisions and plans. It frustrates and annoys her, which explode into real tantrums. As I shuffled around in her velvet, elasticated trousers, slippers and a big jumper it is clear that this old age thing is going to hit all of us. I have just read Diana Athill’s erudite sparkly book, ‘Somewhere Near The End’, (she is 84) the sheer luck or bad luck of old age and the Russian roulette of whether you get a good death or not. I am not being morbid – just trying to face reality. In the end love, friendship, family and a fair bit of money are all there is to ease you through the possibly weak, stumbly, forgetful ending years.
Mum can get great pleasure from the great grandchildren – and it has made me even more determined to try and get schools to ensure that their young people spend time with older people. In my golden schools intergenerational circle time is such a fabulous, heart-warming weekly event. So 2010 is here and it is only the quality of relationships that will steer us through the future events with dignity and integrity. Having said that I find living by this principle is a big tussle – especially with divisions within our own family where not speaking to each other seems a far simpler option (and totally against all I am supposed to advocate) it is a mine field isn’t it? Making sense of life …. But it is a very short fragile gift ...and somehow the only way forward is to enter the struggle with renewed vigour each year.
Glitz, challenge, friends and witty children!
Sun, Nov 29th 2009
What a week – glitz, challenge, friends and witty children – all rolled into 5 days. It started with me speaking at the York Racecourse. A great conference venue for nearly 200 Teaching Assistants. Isn’t it brilliant that, after all these years, we now can ‘officially’ offer our TA’s heart-felt gratitude and appreciation.
I remember as a class teacher, tired out, there were at least 6 children I didn’t properly engage with. They sort of seemed to slip past me, like water. Thankfully I had a TA in for a few afternoons a week – I would give her their names and ask her to draw my attention to them loudly, whenever they achieved anything socially or academically. In this way, at least, they felt noticed.
This conference was jam packed with great workshops, and lots of little luxuries we never get in education usually (our own coffee pots, special pens and chocolates). I especially liked the fact that all the TA’s were invited to bring along practical ideas that work – they sat around their large, round tables, during extra long breaks leading mini workshops. Paper and parachutes everywhere. Well done Chris Shipley for drawing together such a good team with a great vision.
Wow…..I also loved staying in York. Isn’t it beautiful at Christmas. It made my heart sing even before I caught evensong at the Cathedral. Even more wonderful I caught up with my friend Trish. In this hectic lifestyle I lead I often worry that I am no longer a good friend. I am always away – and I have a real antipathy to talking on the phone at night (I talk too much during the day). I do try and reach out by little cards or big parties – but the old, pre-freelance days of spontaneous time with friends and family – is pretty scuppered. So for me, a top joy is just to sit with friends and family and chat. It makes me feel grounded and normal!
Later that week I found myself back in Sheffield (where lots of great work is going on in primary and secondary schools). To make my training day come alive we had invited a circle of Year Two’s and their parents to come in the afternoon, so I could run a circle time with their teachers, supervisors and caretakers all watching. Well – these little children really made me smile. We were doing some drama in the middle of the circle as one girl had “changed” us all into kings and queens. We were strolling around with tall backs due to the heavy crowns on our heads and talking about our countries in very posh accents. “What is your country like? I asked a small freckly, tufted haired boy, “full of dogs” was the reply. Looks at me again intently; “pit-bull terriers with no leads or muzzles” looks at me again intently “…..and all with rabies”. I commiserated with him. The next little lad just raised his eyes to heaven and told me his country was just “full of babies….babies everywhere…..nappies in the trees…”. I don’t like playing ‘amateur psychologists’ – but it does make you wonder sometimes how their worlds must seem when some feature in it figures too strongly! Children do make me laugh out loud sometimes. A teacher told me that she was using my open forum strategy with a child in a circle who asked for help with his temper. All the kids put their thumbs up “would it help if …….” and came up with lots of ideas which didn’t seem to capture his enthusiasm. The final child looked at him and said genuinely “would it help if I gave you some of my Ritalin”. The teacher could hardly stifle her giggles. Thankfully he said “no thank you…..I prefer Wayne’s idea that he stops calling me names”!!
So much for first impressions! Ofsted beware!
Sun, Nov 15th 2009
I have just spent two days working in a primary school. I am still tired and emotionally drained as the programme I facilitate means that I am right in the centre of what the staff have to face everyday. On the first day I work in the nursery and with KS1, running circle sessions with the children, whilst all the teachers, TA’s , and support staff sit on tables observing. I de-brief them, then go out in the playground to play with the children – and observe how they play and the adults interact. One more circle demo, then I eat in the dinner hall and go out for lunch time play. Another circle demo, ‘surgeries’ with adults about new strategies to try with individual children and then I run a staff meeting to highlight the issues. Day two – the same programme repeated – but in KS2. Phew, but however exhausting this programme is – it is only a mere fraction of what staff face in schools everyday, week after week. I am still reeling from the sheer bombardment of sound, movement and the overwhelming social and emotional needs of some of the children.
I am only going to be able to write about my immediate impressions, and of course, everywhere there were high numbers of calm, balanced children grounding the classes they are in…. nevertheless I was truly amazed at the high number of children needing vital, immediate input from staff in order to help them access any learning.
My first circle-time was in the nursery. So few children knew any simple clapping, skipping or nursery rhymes. Their language skills were impoverished, they were unused to make-believe so they needed strong imaginative input. Within each circle I facilitated over the two days, because the school was superb at inclusion, there were high number of children along the autistic/chaotic spectrum. Some were statemented, most were not. In each circle I would have at least one or two empty chairs within the circle – ready for the child sitting outside with his helper, to re-enter the circle when they felt they could cope with its demands of active listening, turn taking and co-operation. I have a strong impression of very vulnerable children becoming much more emotionally resilient through the way their individual supporters (TA’s, voluntary parent-governors etc.) sought ways of bridging them back into the fold.
For example one KS2 child had been given by a TA a much treasured toy rabbit. Through the rabbit being given a lot of attention, building its hutch, including it in the everyday life of the school, slowly this boy was emboldened, as its owner, to take his place within the class. He actually lasted a whole 60 minutes of circle time and didn’t need to leave the circle once. It was so reminiscent of my early days as a teacher in an EBD school in Clapham Junction where, as his class teacher supported by his psychotherapist, Robert, an elected mute gradually re-entered the classroom through his love of puppet work. Hidden behind a puppet stage we built, giving life to puppets in front of small selected audiences, he found his voice again.
In this mainstream school there were a higher than usual number of unhappy, unstable children finding their sense of self again. Louise Bomber has written a very good book ‘I Am Hurting Inside’. So many of the case studies she refers to could have come directly from this school. It is a very hard task for schools today. They need to provide a clear and consistent behaviour management framework of values, rewards, consequences and lunchtime policies to keep children emotionally safe – yet, at the same time, they need to balance these systems with weekly sensitive therapeutic work, where a child can explore his/her feelings and re-learn new and better ways of relating to himself/herself and others. It is onerous on a school, cos they have to provide either a full nurture group system as advocated by Marian Bennathon, or at the very least one of our Circles Of Support, where two adults help run the circle and support each other. I feel so much empathy for schools today. When I was teaching in special education we had supervision with a psychiatrist and the children had access to arts therapists. Today’s mainstream schools have often nothing.
The little school I was in is lucky enough to have dynamic caring head. Through creative budgeting (and sheer force of her personality) adult helpers were everywhere, supporting children with both physical and emotional additional needs. My predominant impression was one of how kind the staff were to each other and, consequently how kind the children were to each other. Kindness can heal so many hurts.
I left a raft of ideas on how they could shine up their systems and find further ways forward. They left me with an overriding sense of awe! These adults are working flat out, long hours in school and endless hours at home finding new ways to help children get excited about learning. They are constantly ambushed by the needs of children and parents, they are still smiling. They are still pushing back tables and engaging in circles of social and emotional learning. It’s an exhausting way of life and our society needs to find ways to show how much we value how much teachers do. Ofsted beware. Tread carefully into these brave and fragile schools. Crushing self-esteem is easy – equipping them to keep going forward with flair and dignity is far harder.
Wonderful school managers and rusty Golden Time
Mon, Nov 9th 2009
I’ve learnt a lot this week. I hadn’t realised how wonderful school business managers can be for overworked primary heads. They’ve been promoted and developed by the NCSL and they can save schools lots of money and do all sorts of ‘dross’ work that can free heads up to really be the leaders they need to be. I must be a bit clueless cos I hadn’t realised they’d been growing these last four years. I went to a dynamic primary school last week all geared up for training – absolutely everyone attended including all the admin staff. They not only had a budget for training – but also one to purchase the books to back up the training! In this economic downturn seeing a school that was unfazed by finance – and powerfully focused on outcomes was unusual. When I talked to their business manager – all became clear! I haven’t got time (or the full knowledge!) to explain their roles but Jo kindly said you can get hold of her on jo.watts@ncsl.org.uk She’s the London advocate – or go to www.tdc.gov.uk for the full picture!
I learnt also, or rather I’m becoming more painfully aware, that many schools who, used to be ‘golden and shiny’ in their practice, are becoming rusty and run-down as regards my model and its key recommendations for weekly circle time for young people, weekly golden time based on each child taking responsibility for their choices, short weekly meetings for the Playground Friends… monthly circle meetings for all adults to discuss, support, review and shine up…. the list is endless. As we become more under pressure what people most need is to sit down and engage with each other, openly and genuinely, without agenda or lesson plans, yet these meetings are always the first to be dumped.
I have worked with adults and children in 2 secondary schools this week. They were Year 7’s and many hadn’t had weekly circle-time since their primary school. Even with all the adults observing me work with them, they engaged in the circle session with 100% energy and honesty. Their problems are huge. They’ve all come from different schools, and all have diverse, challenging and vibrant personalities! They are clashing badly. I remember when one of my daughters went into Year 7 – she lived in fear of ‘The Look’. She explained that her tutor group had gone into factions – the swots, the slappers, the townies etc. and tended to huddle into their groups. The more needy pupils were left out altogether. They desperately needed weekly circle time for team building and working on shared values. They never got it.
Now that the new revised PSHEE is demanding ‘proper’ sex and drugs education lessons – I’m hoping that more secondary schools will try and pick up this torch-flame I’m still carrying around to schools. I’ve been carrying it since the early seventies and I need more torch bearers to help please!
When my circle session with the Year 7 finished – all the adults could ask them questions. When asked if they thought circle-time had a place in secondary schools; one said, “Yeah, just ‘cos we’re older doesn’t mean we don’t want to share our feelings, and we need the same games and fun too, ‘cos we’re just young kids inside.”
Romantic or mean?
Sun, Nov 1st 2009
Omigod! Just back from Enniskillen – I had 270 people in 1 room, sitting around a little circle of 20 children. Luckily children are unbelievably brave. Also they are opportunists – if the teacher (in this case, me) gives them a good time, they will give back a 100% attention. So, not one child eyes wandered around to the crowd. (mind you I give lots of praise for “good-looking skills – so they then stay focussed”). They were honest, fun and as generous – hearted as young people always are when given a voice. It was a great session. Long journey home. Next day, still in pyjamas, a bit grey and tired, my son rings. “Are you sitting down…..me and Lyndsay got married yesterday”. YESTERDAY. The first wedding of one of my children and I wasn’t there. My first mean spirited question to him was “was your father there?”. No. Hmmmm. The misery subsides a bit. No one was there. No one? We just wanted to do it quietly on our own. No brothers – no sisters. No mums and dads. First I cried. Then I rallied. Then I started being a good, kind supportive mum. Then I believed in my kind supportive words, and all was well. His sister and I belted over with champagne and hot chickens (love Asda!). More misery, they had just left for a weekend away. We sat on the doorstep pulling of warm chunks of fresh bread and contemplated life. Romantic or a bit mean? Romantic, brave and loving really, we decided. True to the meaning of marriage of two hearts being entwined in the one relationship. Mean? Only if you are the people not asked and you are caught on the phone, a bit tired and grey.
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