Finally, I am my Mother
Fri, Jan 15th 2010
Photo: A Golden Moment on Christmas day!
Can Christmas really be called ‘a holiday’? The build up is so long and hectic. I don’t know how teachers cope. I went to see my new step-grandsons’ nativity play. This amazing school was putting it on twice in a day (afternoon and evening for working parents), for 2 days running. The kids were wired, the teachers tired. Of course it was wonderful and my heart lurched every time he secretly waved at me – but it is a herculean feat of organization. How do teachers do all this during the day and then go home, tend to their own children or elderly parents and get their own Christmas ready. Teachers really are unsung heroes.
After a big family Christmas - I have 3 new grandchildren and one little related baby one – but I think they are all wonderful. I am very lucky that the three new family arrivals are totally unspoilt. They are really appreciative and play for hours with Lego and monopoly without quarrelling – unlike my three when they were young. Anyway had loads of family for two days and then I went to pick up my mum from my niece to take her away with my fella, to a little holiday let cottage. I am now very tired and disorganised and discover, when I unpack, that I have left ALL my clothes behind. My mum is 87 and I have to wear her clothes all week. Being around just her, and in her clothes, really forced me to delve into what it means to become old, it is a scary world. She cannot do anything for herself, so all her familiar trappings of power have gone. Previously highly dynamic and independent she now has to rely on everyone else’s decisions and plans. It frustrates and annoys her, which explode into real tantrums. As I shuffled around in her velvet, elasticated trousers, slippers and a big jumper it is clear that this old age thing is going to hit all of us. I have just read Diana Athill’s erudite sparkly book, ‘Somewhere Near The End’, (she is 84) the sheer luck or bad luck of old age and the Russian roulette of whether you get a good death or not. I am not being morbid – just trying to face reality. In the end love, friendship, family and a fair bit of money are all there is to ease you through the possibly weak, stumbly, forgetful ending years.
Mum can get great pleasure from the great grandchildren – and it has made me even more determined to try and get schools to ensure that their young people spend time with older people. In my golden schools intergenerational circle time is such a fabulous, heart-warming weekly event. So 2010 is here and it is only the quality of relationships that will steer us through the future events with dignity and integrity. Having said that I find living by this principle is a big tussle – especially with divisions within our own family where not speaking to each other seems a far simpler option (and totally against all I am supposed to advocate) it is a mine field isn’t it? Making sense of life …. But it is a very short fragile gift ...and somehow the only way forward is to enter the struggle with renewed vigour each year.
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