"Talking Heads" special guest - Jenny in the bullying hotseat - May to June 2003
Wed, Sep 22nd 2004
Jenny in the Bullying hotseat in NCSL in Dialogue community May/June 2003
Q: Our infant School Council meeting is beginning to get 'bogged down' with reports from the councillors of undesirable playground behaviour. Sometimes it is boisterous play, being unkind or not taking care of our play-things. Circle Time is well used in every class and the SC are being proactive-drawing up rotas for the use of playground equipment, discussing rules and making posters to display and I'm promoting behaviour expectations in assembly. It's the small group of children (tends to be boys) in every class who need to let off steam but who end up scaring other children with their rough and tumble play, not sharing. It isn't really bullying is it? Any other tips you can give us? Thanks
Jenny: If I was working with your school, the first thing I would do is to check through with you all is how well your lunchtime policy is working. Lunchtimes are, for me, one of the most important times of a child’s day almost 1/5 of a child’s school life takes place in the playground!!! It's one of the key features as you rightly say of a school’s circle time policy. You certainly are on the right track by time tabling circle time and encouraging your SC to draw up rotas etc. However, I wonder if you are using your circle time or PE lessons to teach playground games. A lot of 'my' schools have a policy of teaching 8 key games to all children for half a term so that all children can join in at any time. When we run circle times there are five steps to a successful circle meeting, the fourth step is called 'celebrating success'. During this stage certain children go in the middle of the circle and choose new friends to whom they can teach a new game, other children then observe and give them positive feedback and a clap for 'becoming a good teacher'. In addition we will often teach midday supervisors for an hours session of playground games, and the follow up session will involve children being bought into the training so that the midday supervisors can teach these new children the games they learnt the week before. Some schools have made links with head of sixth form and some Years 12 and 13, or even paid play leaders will come at lunchtime and play games. I am not certain that the 'small group of children' you mention are bullying in any way - they need to channel their energy in a way that is safe. Michelle is quite right, it is good to have zoned areas of the playground where children who want to feel safe either go to the quiet area or the make believe area where there is an outdoor box of dressing up clothes. Some schools have adopted our 'Playground Friends Scheme' where two children on a rota system are trained to support each zoned area of the playground. So the zoned area that is devoted to playground games would have its own two experts to give more ideas of games to anyone who was unsure. We also have two tall children using a long rope and children are taught skipping games, which can occupy upto 20 children at a time. So, as ever, there are many possibilities. I am rambling on because you are raising such an important issue. I have recently published a comprehensive book called 'All Year Round - Exciting Ideas for Peaceful Playtime' which properly goes into detail on the above ideas. I have two other slim books 'Guidelines for Midday Supervisors' and 'Create Happier Lunchtimes',, which contain some good indoor and outdoor games. It is only when the lunchtime policy has been thoroughly overhauled as a whole school initiative can you begin to worry that certain children may be deliberately annoying other children. When we are sure we truly do have a handful of children who, due to a range of emotional and social problems cannot relate to other children - we then form a community task force where we try to keep the children so physically busy they have no time to distress others. Later they have their own buddy each to attempt re-integration into the mainstream lunchtimes. The process of true inclusion is a long one.
Q: There's an article on page 17 of today's TES about a call from a committee of MPs and peers for a children's commissioner to tackle school bullying. The article refers to Norway's experience - they have an Ombudsman for children and have set a target of zero bullying in schools by September 2004. Do you (and Jenny) have views on this?
Jenny: The Scandinavian countries, particularly Norway and Denmark have pioneered many important child centred initiatives. I teach at Bristol University and I know that some researchers are conducting research into what we can learn from their education systems. Whilst Wales do have a Children's Rights Commissioner, and Scotland are well on their way to having one, England would appear to be lagging behind. I'm not sure how different an Ombudsman would be from a Children's Rights Commissioner as I would hope that both would have the power to take up children's complaints at every level. Only then will children's rights near the scope of adults rights
Q: Although I deal with many 'bullies', I see few examples of bullying - I attribute this to a successful policy and system - and keep parents' letters as a testimony to this success. In dealing with the problem, I have found work with the victims is far more important than work with the bullies. Use of a home-school book and general awareness of 'being watched' is often invaluable in developing confidence to cope with conflict. In fact, I find that the bully is often unaware of the true impact of the behaviour, and this can be addressed in a low-key way, and avoid resentment and conflict - indeed, I now have a former bully and victim who are firm friends!! I have just begun work with the local Council for Voluntary Service on a bullying project, and suggested that while questionnaires to pupils, staff, parents etc may be useful, I think they would gain more information by observation and recording of behaviours of both victims and bullies. I have suggested some behaviours to look for - but feel the information I have given is rather inadequate as a checklist. Any suggestions as to behaviours which may be typical of bullies/victims - eg body language, ways of greeting, games played etc. I hope this project may succeed in modifying some of the 'micro-behaviours' which can be easily changed and stop a child being treated as a victim
Jenny: I am impressed with your work on bullying projects. What you describe is an ethos of emotional safety where young people feel that the organisation is prepared to put their theoretical adherence to anti bullying into genuine practise. Personally I find that, quite often, low self esteem is a key factor affecting both the bully and the victim. The truth is that if you feel good about yourself why would you want to hurt anyone else or allow yourself to continue to be hurt. Disempowered people end up disempowering others. A child who is not having his needs met will often need to make someone else angry, so for a few minutes he or she can feel a temporary sense of personal power. I am simplifying too much, but basically what we are both saying is that it is a very complex issue. I can't help with a list of suitable behaviours that would be atypical of bullies/victims (although there are many such lists describing children with emotional and behavioural difficulties). However, the psychologists Nowicki et al have researched and written on inner locus of control. Two of their range of books on how to relate positively to other children teach children positive body language. Two particularly good books are 'Helping the Child Who Doesn't Fit In' and 'Teaching Your Child The Language of Social Success'. I'm sure there are many, many more - and probably Michelle will have a resources list available in this particular field.
Q: At our school we were experiencing many unhappy boys at playtime, mostly concerning football and rules. Many children were getting balls kicked towards faces etc. We introduced a rota system whereby each year group played football on a designated day of the week. Also we banned all home footballs. ( Some were leather and causing many bumps etc.) Now the children only play with 2 special weighted footballs which cannot be kicked above knee height. All children who want to play-boys and girls are allowed if it is their designated time/day. It has completely eliminated the arguments involved around who is and who is not allowed to play. We have had far less arguments and playtime all round has been a happier experience. Please let me know of any good ideas you have in regard to happier playtime experiences
Jenny: Football can often set the tone for the whole ethos of the school! If pupils are allowed to get away with name calling when anyone makes a mistake at football, and, in addition, the game is not governed by any firm agreed rules, then the other children see this ethos as being the governing one. Like you, I don’t believe its necessary to ban football but we do advocate 'football parliaments'. Once a lunchtime policy is in full swing we turn our attention to football. We agree in assembly that football is not a right, it’s a privilege and that any pupils who think they might want to play football during the term need to attend. Together you and your pupils have come up with some brilliant ideas, you have gone for the rota option, the real truth is however, that the children now feel safe; they know exactly what is expected and what will and will not be tolerated. Just to give a few tips in case anyone else is reading, it is essential that there is a clearly identified, painted zoned area where football can take place. You need to display your agreed football rota, circle times for one week should focus on ideas for making football better. Two representatives from each class circle time should attend a special school council meeting with the head teacher and lunchtime supervisors. Some schools, for example, St Georges in Harrow, have made individual football contracts, which are signed by each child agreeing to the rules, a supervisor is then trained as a referee, a yellow card is shown for a warning and a red card means they are 'off'. When they go off they have to hand in either their football badge or football sash. Later they can re-apply through an application form to re-join the football rota. It doesn't really matter what strategies and ideas you evolve as a school; what matters is that the children perceive you all working together to create an emotionally safe environment. If football is left to drift in the hands of a few dominating children it does not help the children to trust your systems.
Q: Like most schools there are always issues with boys’ behaviour especially during lunchtimes in the playground. How often do you see a queue of girls outside the Headteacher's office? Rarely in our school. Generally the boys’ behaviour is linked to boisterous play and of course FOOTBALL! The Junior boys (who we have most problems with) all have their own coloured ball which is specific to their year group. They are only allowed to play football with children from their year and with the designated ball. This seems to have 'controlled' the arguments and cries of rough treatment by the older boys - to a certain extent. As a mother of 2 boys and endless rain soaked days spent watching footballers, I know that you will never remove that competitive spirit and boisterous nature from them. You just have to work with it and don't let other parents confuse bullying with rough play.
Jenny: you have worked together in your school to create a strategy that suits you all. Organised play is essential for some children. Agreed displayed rules, clear rewards for keeping to these rules and negotiated sanctions if they break these rules, go a long way to helping channel the wonderful exuberant, boisterous energy of pupils. I and my team work in hundreds of schools - we are always on the lookout as to whether it really is 'bad' behaviour or bored behaviour!!
Q: We have just had a very successful creative week, based on 'Treasure Island' (Bristol is promoting the book as part of their application city of culture.) The behaviour has been noticeable by its lack of many conflicts, unlike the previous SATs week. As a staff we have decided that those children who do have problems with behaviour had been so enthralled and on task in the classroom, that they were quite happy to play rather than seek aggression. Another reason for broad and balanced curricula away from the straight-jackets of the strategies? By the way, if there were SATs in pirates and Treasure Island ALL the children would be at least Level 4!!!
Jenny: I could not agree more that drama and the arts are one of the most exciting ways for helping children to become incredibly motivated and engaged. In the early days when I was teaching in an inner city school, I noticed that my most difficult kids became far less aggressive when they were involved in the arts in whatever form. I was so fascinated that I went off in the evenings and the week-ends to train as a drama therapist. Later, as part of my masters, I wrote a paper on the effects of drama on self-esteem. I ended up teaching drama every week to busloads of angry ROSLA (raising of a school leaving age) pupils in a newly built art complex!!!. They were exciting days observing the changes in young people when they are truly involved. I ma y have gone down the circle time route but my heart always stays with the arts. I believe circle time creates the right school and classroom ethos in which the arts can flourish. We currently have a range of arts consultants in story telling, puppetry, song, movement, art, all of whom work with teachers and children at any level. I believe the time is right in education for a resurgence of interest and commitment to the arts. So I would love to see a Treasure Island in the middle of every class.!!
Q: Dear Jenny,(one of my Gurus) I agree it can be bored behaviour but also children displaying poor emotional literacy. Our school has many challenging pupils who seem to react to their feelings very inappropriately - we call it making wrong choices. Through having masses of strategies in hand we seem to manage this behaviour providing a caring safe open environment for all...staff included. When I reflect with my Behaviour Manager on a Friday as to how our focused children have coped with the week themselves we always find positives but we feel that the level of turmoil that comes to school inside our pupils is growing yearly. Do you have experience of this? Also poor oracy skills make life difficult for our pupils. Emotional Literacy has now had to become a huge element of our curriculum with us all in school taking the first 2 weeks of the school year to purely focus on relationship building processes in their new classes. - the results are fantastic! Do you know of any other schools doing this type of focused work knocking the NC on the head in favour of attempting to understand their emotions? I'd like to network with anyone out there. I must recommend to others your whole school training days..fab!!!Your team launched our new school and we still feel aim to feel golden!
Jenny: What a lovely warm positive paragraph ; it lifted my spirits which were feeling a bit chilled in the shadows with the sunlight sparkling outside!!. I agree - I also believe that every year pupils are displaying more and more inner levels of chaos and tension. You probably have read the Big Picture, which reports that 1 in 5 children have mental health problems. It was a few years ago, and I believe the ratio will now be higher. I think there is a myriad of reasons for the growing dysfunction in children and families. A book in itself. One of my homespun theories is that so many children spend such a vast time on computers, game- boys, and TV that, coupled with the fact that families have so little time, they are unable to learn the skills of relationships. If they encounter a problem in a computer game - they just turn it off. If another child winds them up in the playground they can't turn them off, and they panic. Many of the skills you and I have, I feel sure come from the fact we used to play board games like snakes and ladders. We learnt to take turns and, because we wanted another go, we controlled our anger if we lost. I am not being flippant, I truly believe that some children are stuck at certain emotional ages (see the Marion Bennathon and Marjorie Boxhalls work on Nurture Groups). In many of our schools we have to set up Circles of Support to help children beyond the usual motivational strategies. Here we give them an intensive programme of social skills and self-esteem building. I have met quite a few heads like yourself who have taken the sound decision to commit the first few weeks of term entirely to a PSHE programme. You can't teach a child anything if the class team is not working respectfully together. Focus on relationships at the beginning of the year and you will see huge benefits later on. My problem is that I meet so many fantastic teachers, but I can't remember their names!!. Some of the schools that I refer to who have taken this decision were in Newham .. I hope they are out there reading this and they come back to you to describe their experiences. I would love to make your policy statutory for all schools. Keep being golden and positive ... Energy is the key to all school improvements, so having a life outside is the most important thing you can achieve. I am going to take tomorrow off and go cycling. I hope you are having some treats too!!. Thanks for the lovely words.
Q: At our school we have the usual problems, many of them outlined here already. We have tried to tackle bullying, arguments, friendship swaps, rough play etc., with a system of Peer Mediation. Groups of pupils are trained to mediate in minor disputes to try and sort things out without adult intervention and before they get out of hand. For most disagreements it works really well. Does anyone else use this and are there ways we could it extend it perhaps?
Jenny: I am sure that others will agree that Peer Mediation offers children some fantastic strategies. However, I have to sound a note of caution. I have been in many schools where they were unaware that they had a very poor lunchtime policy. They had left out many key features, such as teaching playground games, craze of the week, etc. etc. They were aware that they had problems but then moved too swiftly down the route to mediation. Consequently, because there was little else for the children to do, they were creating problems just so that they could receive some attention from the mediators. The Peer mediation process was causing more problems than it was solving! You would need to tick off all the key ingredients that make a truly sound lunchtime policy before you bring in peer mediation. Some head teachers make sure that every child is trained in peer mediation and that small groups take it in turns to become the mediators. Lorna Farrington has written some practical manuals called Playground Peacemakers. Our own book on lunchtimes has some training sessions for Playground Friends. There are some splendid resources on the market which could help you to extend your scheme. However, theoretically, if children were happy and engaged in positive activities, they would need less mediation rather than more. I am sure there are a lot of schools out there who have experiences in this field they would love to share??? Good luck
Q: Any suggestions on how to support a boy who is being verbally bullied because he is quiet, clever and operates outside the "culture" of the rest of the class? By culture I mean music, tv, football and 'image.'
Jenny: For me, the way forward lies, in a sense, in your phrase 'the culture of the class'. I think that it is vital that time is spent with pupils on a range of ways to create a culture that celebrates diversity in all its forms. One of the strategies that we advocate lies in circle time. We have a particular 5 step model. The first step, called 'meeting up', involves the children in learning social skills through games. The second step, 'warming up', offers each child a voice through 'the round'. The third step, 'opening up', helps children to focus on issues that they find important, puzzling, engaging, worrying. Committed classes would contain a circle time suggestion box where children can, anonymously, put in suggestions for what they would like dealt with at this stage. We find a range of issues such as a child who cannot sleep at night because she had no friends, children who feel excluded, children not knowing how to organise their homework, worried about the war etc etc. We then open these issues up in an emotionally safe way. We sometimes use metaphor e.g. puppets, poems, role-play….sometimes real scripts and question and answer techniques. But it is he fourth step that really gets to grips with the issue you raise. This step is called 'cheering up'; the celebration of success. Through the skilful use of teacher led questions e.g. "is there anyone in this class team you are pleased with because they are always quiet, work successful and create a calm atmosphere for all of us to work in?". Other pupils then put their hand with a similar script "We are pleased with…..because we have noticed that you work really hard and are very quiet". If the majority of other pupils agree they also put their hands up - this acts as a pupil nomination for that pupil to receive a 'Class Team Honours Certificate'. The nominated pupil then receives a certificate signed by all the class. In this way the pupils 'own the process' - it's not the teacher urging them to get on and like everybody - they themselves are celebrating people's individuality and they too often receive nomination 'for being positive', 'for noticing the good in others'. We will sometimes ask questions like, "Is there anyone in your class team who you are pleased with as they don't get in to any fights - they are very calm people?" All of a sudden you have helped them to reframe that child from being, 'a wimp' to a 'self-controlled, self-disciplined person'. It is vital that every pupil can look at another pupil and see their positive qualities. If explicit time is made for this fourth step it teaches children to celebrate. Like everything, energy can go either way. If there is no explicit time made for pupils to own part of the incentive process and make positive comments, the energy will turn into negativity and name-calling. This is why teaching is one of the most demanding jobs ever, because whatever mood you in are and however a pupil has hurt or annoyed you, you still have to look for the good in that pupil in order to help influence the class attitude. Many schools on step four employ the strategy of 'special pupil of the week'. Each week (and every pupil will have a turn by the end of term) a pupil is nominated to be the focus of the class's positive thinking. Good memories of that person, comments on their qualities and strengths are contributed by the class. That child also will get all the main responsibilities; they will take the register, be first out of the class, get the opportunity to be interviewed by the class. This is an exceptionally powerful strategy that helps contribute to the culture o f celebration. I have a team of 30 consultants who all work with pupils in front of teachers in early years, primary and secondary. The generosity of pupils towards each other on step four is stunning. Adolescents, if given the opportunity to shape and own the process themselves are unfailingly positive towards a range of individuals. Phew... I am continuing and continuing!!! I have just looked at the dense text and I heeded the above advice and have now learnt to do paragraphs. To all you intrepid readers, thank you for staying with me. I think that I might have stepped out of the 'hot seat' onto the soapbox. The bad news is that I spent an hour answering this yesterday and because it was too long it exploded off the screen into cyber space, never to be found again! But true inclusiveness is at the heart of this question. The ability of people not to be threatened by other people's success. The ability of people to be warm towards others who don't conform. The ability to always to be able to look for the positive in other people is at the heart of emotional and social growth. The challenge for the teacher is to model this philosophy when under huge pressure. The joy of properly structured circle times is that the fourth step reminds you, as a teacher, to carry out this philosophy. The biggest problem at the moment is, as I see it, that there are many poor circle times across the country. A lot of teachers are gathering pupils together in a circle just to preach at them. Children are becoming bored. 'Speaking and listening' has become a turnoff. These circle times lack structure, rigour, dynamism and a true understanding of what circle time is about. This is because teachers very rarely have had proper training in how to carry out one of the most important strategies which should be at the heart of the curriculum. Many teachers only have circle time if there is a problem; therefore kids are 'hyping up' their problems to get more circle time!! People are delivering other courses to teachers in circle time who have not practised it in their own classes and consequently it can become very diluted and devoid of joy. Numeracy and literacy strategies demands specialist trainers, yet we allow emotional literacy training to be carried out by people who may or may not have had training themselves in this area. Sorry to become so strident, but it is a problem. Circle time has become a buzzword - a trendy quick-fix strategy. It actually has to be based on sound psychology and the aim of it is to help children to develop empathy towards the community in their class and then the wider community. But the systems (and this is why circle time is an eco-systemic approach) have to be created on a weekly basis for this relationship training to take place. So, hopefully other teachers will also have a range of ideas for transforming the culture of classes. Celebration assemblies, circle times and reward systems contributed to by other pupils go some way to this end. Michele is right also to concentrate on the parallel activity of boosting the self-esteem of the individual and offering circles of support. Both the individual and the group dynamic have to be tackled at the same time. Yet again, despite having been punished for verbosity by losing yesterday's essay I just can't stop myself and it has now moved into a thesis
Q: At our school we have the usual problems, which most schools encounter especially at lunchtimes and break times. At lunchtimes we now have a 'play squad' this is made up of year 6 pupils on a voluntary rota basis, they are there to look after the younger pupils and help them if necessary. This seems to working very well, the year 6 pupils enjoy the extra responsibility while the younger pupils feel more secure in the knowledge that they can go to anyone with a play squad badge on and get help or have someone to talk to or play with We also have one midday supervisor who is employed specifically to organise games which involve a lot of pupils. We do have one pupil who has had to have restrictions of privileges put in place due to bullying, it was interesting to talk to him the other day when he told me he is quite happy with the restrictions as he now knows where he stands, he seems to be a lot happier and calmer now which has led to interaction with other pupils who feel more secure about being in his company.
Jenny: Again, just a quick response. Emotional safety for pupils lies in them knowing the boundaries for their behaviour and the consequences of their actions. If certain pupils constantly find themselves 'beyond' the limits and they are consistently incurring sanctions, we have a strategy whereby we can refer this child to a supervised small community taskforce. It may be, that they need to be kept so physically busy, that they cannot get into any trouble for a while, thereby restoring their tarnished reputation. We find that if certain children are constantly in trouble they almost become addicted to it as a sure way of getting attention. If we can reverse the process, physically keep the child busy gardening, looking after the school property, furniture renovation (!!!) in a group which also includes children with good social skills, the child then allows them self to taste success and could become equally 'hooked' on this experience instead. When they are succeeding they can apply to leave the group and re-enter ordinary playground life but we often find that they need a playground buddy to initially assist them and keep them out of trouble. The same playground buddy also records their success. And so the long process of true inclusion continues….
Q: Our school ethos is based on the mission statement C.A.R.E.S. Caring & Kind in all we do Achieving all we are capable of Respecting ourselves & other people Everyone has a part to play Sharing responsibility for our school This statement was reached after consultation with all stake holders and a celebration day to launch it. As a school we have success with our pupils aged 3 to 11 ( some pupils have signs of emotional difficulties) however some parents seem to miss the point. They refer to bullying when what has happened is that their child has fallen out with their best friend and demand punishment when discussion and understanding is needed. Solve their own problems by fighting on the school drive and blame me and the school for adult bullying that occurs on the estate around the school. This outside culture makes it difficult for the children in school. Any suggestions on how to reach parents?
Jenny: Involving parents is a massive whole school commitment. But it is the only way forward for without huge efforts parents will remain on the fringe and they will constantly be alert to bullying problems and imaginary dangers due to their lack of real understanding. When we work in depth in a school we always arrange a parents evening. We don't call it 'anti-bullying', 'positive behaviour' we have a title that draws them in; 'Help Your Child Do Well At School'!!! (This strategy is mentioned in my early book Turn Your School Round (1993)) At this evening we focus strongly on self-esteem. We talk about parent, teacher and child self-esteem. How we can knock it, how we can build it up. Many schools will tell you that on this evening they have bought in a circle of pupils and run a proper circle time. Parents are fascinated as the emotional curriculum is not one that they have any experience of. They can then see, in action, the fragile process of building up relationships. We also then ask the parents to get into smaller circles where they come up with ideas for how they can build the self-esteem of their children at home and work in partnership with the school. If schools neglect this area it leaves them vulnerable to parents constantly putting teachers down, children being caught emotionally between their parents and their teachers and a real misinterpretation of what bullying is. To build the process of respect we also bring parents in for Golden Time and have invitations to class circle times, if the class agree. In primary schools we have a reward system called 'Table Of The Week' (for pupils who have shown good manners in the dining hall and they have invitations to bring to that table either their best friend, their teachers, or their parent…). I truly believe that many schools will want to respond to you as there is some fabulous work going on by schools who are committed to involving parents.
Q: Is there a gender issue related to bullying? Do men care? Enough of the challenges and let's focus on answers to bullying. New staff always bring fresh perspectives and leadership on school issues. I was fortunate to appoint a Head of Year who has transformed our approach to this aspect of school life. As a former Youth Counsellor she has trained our SOS (support our students) team, who are now peer counsellors. This group of about 60 secondary students work with our local primary school and within the environs of the college. As these students move through the college into the sixth form we hope that they will support a range of students who are working their way through all types of issues. For us esteem building is the key and these students aid this process.
Jenny: Empathy is the key concept. Lack of empathy can range from autism to people who are indifferent to other people's needs. The building up of empathy has to be the key to any primary or secondary school. The approach that you use of training peer counsellors is one very important strategy. Work in the early 90's was well documented. In our local comprehensive in an article called 'Peer To Listen', they screened all the year 7 pupils to find those with low reading ages. They then gave them all a reading test. On this basis all those who had low reading ages were given specialist help with a good reading scheme. However, half the pupils were given 15 minutes a week with a peer counsellor - these were sixth formers who had been trained how to listen and relate to younger pupils. At the end of the year they re-tested the pupils. The pupils who had had time with their 'befrienders' had nearly doubled their reading ages - the other group had made no significant improvements. The key factor was self-esteem, if you are important to someone somewhere, you don't mind failing somewhere else. If you feel your ideas and opinions are of no value anywhere you cannot take another failure - so what's the point of trying that new piece of maths, English. If you feel good enough about yourself you will have a go at anything that you choose as failure will not devastate you. This is the beauty of all these peer mentoring schemes. They are tapping into the natural generosity and energy of young people and redirecting it to the ones that need it. It's wonderful in its simplicity - the biggest resource in a school are the young people! Well done. I hope you can encourage this teacher to write up this scheme as the more attention that is bought to it the more it will become common practice. However, as ever, a note of caution, at secondary level all pupils need PSHE to be delivered through circle time. Otherwise, if they are not within a safe circle (and safety comes if we can see each other), they learn from the school that they have to have a problem before they get a listening ear. Some counselling schemes are causing difficulty as pupils create more problems in order to get much needed attention. In addition to advocating group work to all pupils I try and insist, when I am working with mentoring schemes, that the mentors show equal amounts of interest and excitement with the achievements of their peers and not just their problems.
Q: In my school we have a range of strategies to encourage positive behaviour, thanks to your empowering and imaginative training and publications Jenny. We have a Friends Brigade, clubs every lunch time, the Mid Day Supervisors teaching playground games,a Friendship station, Gardening and Eco Club, a MDMS Special Lunchtime Award, Quiet Time in the library and most successful of all "peer massage" after each playtime. This is successful in all years apart from Year 5 with 11 girls and 24 boys. This group of girls takes up more time than all the rest of the girls in the school put together. They are subtle and expert at isolating individuals. They rotate who is "in" and who is "out". After intensive activity by staff with these girls they lull us into a false sense of security by appearing to be getting on well and then they launch a new offensive. The latest involves two parents who are co-ordinating their efforts against one child and complain in writing, by phone and in person about a range of trivial incidents in class and in the playground going back 3/4 years. This is extremely time consuming. Any suggestions about how to deal with this?
Jenny: Thank you for your positive comment. Certainly, from all you describe, you and your staff are working incredibly hard to establish a very positive and valuing ethos. I think lots of teachers will identify completely with the problem that you outline in your second paragraph. The group of girls you describe seem to operate throughout the country!! It would help me to know if this Year 5 teacher felt sufficiently confident to run well-structured and effective circle times. Circle time helps act as a review body for whatever strategies or policies the class has decided to put into place. So, for example, if a strategy was put into place that the girls were going to play well together, as I described in an earlier answer; step 4 would involve the pupils in nominating each other for sustaining the improvement. Consequently, different pupils could be nominated for exhibiting various qualities of friendship. For example, the teacher could ask the question "Who are you pleased with because they have managed to stay friendly without breaking up with anyone?" "Who are you pleased with because they only say positive things about people and they never say unkind things behind people's backs?" "Who are you pleased with because they have introduced new games?". In this way it might just be possible to keep an eye on the emotional pulse of the class. You would know from who they did not nominate how the dynamics were developing. You would know from who did get nominated, and by whom, how friendships were developing. Don't forget that before a teacher asks a question, she prefaces it with "Remember - you can only nominate people who are not your best friend as they already know that you appreciate them". If 'offering friendship' to the whole class becomes the defining ethos, they will work harder towards it. The bigger issue is the fact that parents are getting involved. Quite often children's relationships reflect the state of relationships amongst the parents. I don't know how much proactive work you have done with parents. In an earlier answer I described the type of proactive activities a school has to engage in to defuse the possibility of this type of parental behaviour. When is the last time they received a parent booklet explaining how the positive behaviour policy works? In that booklet there should be a paragraph on how parents need to behave positively towards each other and the school. It's always best to strike while the iron is cold. If this type of work has gone on beforehand, it acts as a document that you can refer with parents. Its important to explain that there is a circle time suggestion box where children themselves can post anonymously incidents that worry them. Explain that you are teaching children to take responsibility for their actions and responses, and therefore you would only expect parents to get in touch about issues that were serious. At this point in the booklet you describe the behaviours. I think you need to be very firm. Plan, do, review. Ask the parents in, plan the strategy, give it time to work and set a review date with them that actually suits you. You need to train them to use your diary and not to grab time whenever they feel like it. Again, this procedure needs to go into a parent booklet, maybe under a title "Showing respect to each other". But it may be possible that this is a situation you have inherited and it is very hard to be clear about your boundaries if parents are used to being immediately responded to. It’s a very complex issue and waves of empathy will be flowing your way from many heads. Sometimes being assertive can be very helpful. Maybe its time for a parents evening on self-esteem and how it affects a child's life. I often mention how damaging it is for children who are labelled by teachers or parents. If I can give a presentation on the psychology of self-esteem without pointing the finger at the individuals who are damaging other people's self esteem, somehow it can resonate within them. They feel uncomfortable, especially if I quote research and sometimes they will gently back off. I have no real answer for you. I'm sure somebody else who has suffered this continual carping will have a better, more vibrant answer (let's hope so!).
Q: I work as Administrator in a very small school, set in a tight-knit rural community. I increasingly find children confiding in me with regard to family problems as well as relationship issues with their peers which are often translated as "bullying" at home. I also find that outside school parents are likely to "confront" me about perceived bullying. Frankly, I feel ill-equipped to cope with such approaches and I am often worried that I will "get into trouble" if I say the wrong thing so I'm sure I often come across as evasive. I feel that it is very important that children feel able to approach the staff member they feel most comfortable talking to, whatever their official job role in school. Do you have any advice on how this can be addressed so that Support Staff are confident in dealing with these issues - is there any training/literature available perhaps?
Jenny:. A long time ago the comprehensively brilliant Elton Report, 1989, recommended that all teachers should have training in counselling skills. I would have gone a little further and said that all school staff should have the same training. It’s a great programme of learning which each human being needs access to. A basic counselling skills course teaches you not to be a pseudo analyst but to be a calm reflective befriender. You sound as if you have a natural empathy (Rogerian counselling states that to help other people you need to have empathy, warmth, unconditional acceptance and genuiness - for some people these are natural gifts). What you need to be reassured about is that the school has a policy on listening to children. If you are trained in 'reflecting' - you cannot say the wrong thing as you are restating what you have heard the child say. However, the staff need to get together and all decide that they support the notion that children can have a listening ear from each of them. Some children just need attention - if they are not getting a listening system of weekly circle times - they will sometimes invent problems to take to adults just to be heard. Some children need a gentle one to one chat. What all the staff need to be clear about is at what point do they have to refer the child on for formal counselling. I trained my support and teaching staff to always say "don’t forget, if ever you tell me anything that worries me I may have to take it further". In this way children learn that you will not keep intimate secrets, so if they do tell you anything major that you will refer them onto other people. But there are many stages of counselling. The word counselling means good communication. It would probably be helpful to have some training from an organisation such as Kidscape to overhaul your policy. I feel sure that Michele will have much to offer you in this area…as it is one she deals with a lot. But well done for caring - there are so many good people out there who are quietly supporting children. As a counsellor, I once worked with a very troubled child and I remember saying to her "how on earth have you managed to keep going", and she said "if Mrs….. hadn't spent a little time with me each lunchtime, making me feel special I don’t know how I would have coped". There are unsung heroes across the country.
Jenny: You are right…and parents across the country will agree with you. And the trouble is, as happened with my three children, they would beg me not to interfere (very hard for me!). We advocate the setting up of three weekly listening systems to try and reach the quiet child. Not only do we have weekly circle times that can be enriched by the circle time suggestion box for anonymous issues, we also have the two supporting systems of a one-to-one chat time and a non verbal listening system, let me explain. One-to-one listening - many schools interpret this in different ways. In one secondary school they devised a rota system, the five members of the tutor team talked with their tutor groups and decided to take a break time each in a week. When it was their turn to be on 'listening duty' they took their coffee and spent the break in a designated room. Its really important never to say to kids that you are 'available for counselling'. Call it homework club, call it chat time, but if you call it counselling the kids tease each other quite cruelly ("are you mental"?…). A drop in centre, especially at lunchtime for an informal chat can often help teachers pick up on hitherto undetected currents. Some secondary schools we work in have a daily journal system. Each tutee has their own daily journal where they scribble their messages to their tutor, the leave these journals in a designated confidential place. The tutor endeavours to read it and make a comment to show an interest in the childs thoughts. Wiltshire LEA was big on these 'Think Books' for primary and secondary in the 80's - and they were a real boon to children. Because pressures on teachers grew, the systems put in to help children express themselves faded away. You can always see a corresponding increase in bullying if a schools pastoral care system is decreasing. Schools again are picking up all sorts of systems to try and get the academic/pastoral balance right. Peer mentoring schemes, befriending, circle of friends are all flourishing in good schools. As a governor it's important to help schools evaluate the impact and breadth of their listening systems. But to help staff who are tired, maybe cynical, afraid to hope again is a training issue in itself. Whenever we run a training day for secondary teachers to help them want to give 100% to listening to children - we always bring in a class circle of year 7 pupils so that staff can sit for an hour without talking and observe the needs, worries and deep wisdom of young people at work supporting each other. If teachers re-connect with the joy of teaching, and the individuality of pupils they will naturally wish to help them in way they can. Well, that’s my theory anyway.
Q: My junior school has experienced many of the problems noted above and we have invested a lot of time and energy into developing our playground areas. We have timetabled zoned areas for football, basketball and hockey and a wide variety of playground games:hoops, skipping ropes, giant Connect4 etc. However, there are still a small group of children who persist in spoiling others games and picking on individuals. We have a very comprehensive behaviour policy with many rewards. We try to maintain a positive ethos and with this in mind we have decided to introduce Golden Time. This has traditionally been associated with Infant School so I would be interested to know how effective it is with Juniors. The idea is that all children would have an entitlement to Golden Time at the beginning of the week and would sign up for a variety of activities for a 15 minute session on a Friday afternoon. Time would be removed by the teacher for failure to adhere to the school rules or the privilege would be removed altogether for bullying or other anti-social behaviour. Has anyone used this system effectively? Can you suggest how it might be monitored? The activities would have to be attractive enough so that the children would not want to miss it - any proven and practical ideas? For this to work effectively I feel that it needs to be part of our Behaviour Policy but we would have to trial it first. A moral discussion has arisen in staff discussions: if a child were to break a school rule on Monday and his/her Golden Time was removed would they have the facility for earning back that time by Friday. If it were a serious offence such as bullying I would certainly say no. I would appreciate comments and thoughts on any of the above.
Jenny: I am really glad you decided to introduce Golden Time. I developed this model in mid to late 80's; so have researched into it widely. Thousands of schools use it and I hope that a few of them are reading this now. I monitor its development but in many cases, like any other system, it becomes diluted or misinterpreted. A good description of it is in Quality Circle Time (Mosley J. LDA 1996 pg 44 - 50). Also in Turn Your School Round (Mosley, J. LDA 1993 pg 32-36). Both these books show how to use the signing up chart, the earning back contract and the monitoring chart. . Firstly, it has to be harnessed to the concept of Golden Rules. The class must be told that it is precisely because the children are keeping to the Golden Rules that the school is celebrating their behaviour during Golden Time. Many classes have no idea that the run down time on a Friday afternoon where the teacher sits in the corner marking and they play with games that have bits missing - that this is supposed to be Golden Time (a bit rusty if you ask me !!!) It needs to be seen as a community celebration. Not only do many schools invest money into this slot by letting the children research and buy exciting games etc, but the main point that makes it golden is that two classes need to do circle time at the same time. One of the options is that at least 6 children can choose to visit another class to teach children new games, and 6 children from that same class swap over to go to their class. For the system to be golden new people have to be in the class at Golden Time if possible as it makes it incredibly powerful. Most schools run Golden Time for half an hour and invite parents in, some schools invite older people, some invite Sixth formers. In an ideal world Golden Time is about the community celebrating academic and social success. Rather than insist a whole school adopts this policy I encourage a school to get two teachers to trial it first for half a term and agree to report back their findings at a staff meeting. If these two look younger and calmer we must all do it !! On a practical note, a pupil can lose time for breaking a golden rule (the moral values) or a class routine. In many schools the midday supervisors use this system as well. Only if a child loses the whole 30 minutes do they have a 5 minute chat time with the teacher who offers them the chance to win some of it back. If they lose it all they become committed to the path of addiction to failure. They need to enjoy at least 10 - 15 minutes of it in order to mind losing it. In some schools some pupils have opted for a football club at Golden Time but you will see in the good schools a table outside with a sandtimer in the middle which a few pupils have to watch before they can return to the football. It is very powerful. If a child engages in a physical attack or a serious verbal attack, having passed the yellow card warning stage, they lose 10 minutes Golden Time instead of the usual 5 as this is seen to be visually fair by other children. However any serious incident like this is the only time that a child is reported to the head where it is written up in the incident books, read back to the child and signed by all parties concerned. The implication is that parents will be involved at some stage. However my son, hated having a particulars written incident held over him for years (it was in a secondary school and it was handed on from year head to year head) and I learnt the wisdom of recommending to schools that at the end of a term they must rip up the book in assembly to symbolise the starting of a clean slate. I cannot do justice to the potential power of Golden Time in one answer. It is such an important integral part of a behaviour policy that I am currently writing a whole book on it alone to help schools make sure that it stays powerful. One of 'our' schools for the third year running has won 'the most improved school in the country award'. They publically attributed a large measure of their success both to circle time and to Golden Time I do hope this answer helps you to get going with conviction. The problem is that it is very hard work initially to get it right. You need to pilot it and teachers need to realise that you won't realise the benefits of all your efforts till later on. Please don't forget the whole point of this system is to celebrate 'the middle plodders' in each class. If you keep the weekly chart (shown in the above books and in the 'Photocopiable book' Mosley, J Positive Press pg 3), you will know all the pupils who have not lost any Golden Time. Once a term you send the certificate (LDA catalogue) back to each of their parents or carers to congratulate them on their wonderful behaviour. This is the most important part of the model; children who keep to the golden rules calmly and quietly should be celebrated. In this model they are. Forgive me for such a long answer but the problem for me is that many people pick up some of my ideas and don't fully know the whole context. I have tried to give as much as I can in a short time (truly, for me this is a disciplined answer !!!) So good luck, it will help you a lot, please write in anybody who is using it in its proper form.
Q: Dear Jenny how fantastically helpful and thought provoking your answers to my question were. I am now armed with a range of new strategies to try out after half term, confident that they will work. One of the most illuminating comments for me in this dialogue was "The truth is that if you feel good about yourself why would you want to hurt anyone else or allow yourself to continue to be hurt." This has completely changed my perception of some playground situations and relationships and I will now do some training with staff particularly support staff on recognising that improving a child's self esteem will make a difference to playtimes. This also ties in with work we are doing across the school on developing children's emotional intelligence a more effective indicator of success in later life than academic intelligence. Thank you both again for your clarity and wisdom.
Q: We have a great school. The staff and children are superb! However, our playground is tiny and pretty bleak! We have worked really hard to ensure that playtimes are stimulating for the children. We have worked with year 6 children to paint school murals, provided play equipment as suggested by the SC such as juggling balls - seeing 300 balls being juggled at a play time is interesting! skipping ropes, quoits, hoops, large balls, soft balls, beanies! The SC meet regularly each half term. We worked with a consultant from Jenny Mosely's team and picked up good ideas and we have circle time as a regular feature of the time-table. Obviously when issues arise we use circle time to discuss these. But time after time, despite training the mid-day supervisors in positive behaviour, mutual respect, not shouting or accusing pupils (they have had training at least three times with LEA consultant from the Healthy Schools team, the Deputy and outside consultants) and having regular half termly meetings with the Deputy or myself, we still find that their way of working with the children does not improve and so the issues of play ground behaviour are still happening at lunch time! What else can we do? How can we get our dear ladies to listen and take note of how we want them to behave because at the moment they are helping to create the negative culture that exists at lunch-time? Help!
Jenny: My heart goes out to you and your staff team!!! You describe a wonderful approach and attitude to firming up a really exciting lunchtime policy. You deserve to have peaceful, productive and respectful lunchtimes; but its still not happening for you all. It’s a very strange phenomena and puzzles us all - why is it that sometimes, despite our best efforts with the admin support or teaching staff, there appears to be no personal growth or sharing of the school vision. One of my theories hinges on self-esteem. If an adult has low self-esteem, personal change is extraordinary difficult. People with low self esteem often ride rough shod over other people's feelings. As I have said elsewhere - if you felt good about yourself you would not need to talk disrespectfully to other people. However, because you are giving so much input to them, your irritation and disappointment on their lack of response, may be more apparent than you realise. It goes against the grain, but somehow you have to, despite feeling let down, keep looking for the tiny markers of success they may have achieved. Feeding these back to them in verbal praise or written notes, ending your lunchtime meetings with "one positive thing I have noticed about lunchtimes" might go a little way towards softening their attitudes. Sometimes, when I work on my own with midday supervisors they have a list of moans to do with the fact they don’t feel communicated with properly. Some, who are not parents, don’t get the letters about what's going on in the school. Sometimes the teachers let them down by not picking the kids up from the playground on time. Sometimes the dining hall system goes wrong because teachers don’t let them out quick enough (I was the worst culprit at this!!). There are quite often a series of small events, which have added to their perception of not being valued. It becomes a vicious circle; they become more truculent and strident - we withhold our warmth and valuing response; We become emotionally colder - they feel less a part of the whole ethos. Have you asked midday supervisors to class circle -times? Quite often when they are not locked in the interaction, and can observe or take part in a circle-time on 'how we can make lunchtimes better', they are amazed at the gentleness and wisdom of children. They never usually have a chance to see them in that role. When we do these circle time sessions we often ask the children, in front of the midday supervisors, 'what does a midday supervisor do that makes you feel good and safe'. By keeping the dialogue very safe midday supervisors feel praised and valued. We also give them 'gold dust notes' where they can write positive comments about the individual progress of difficult children and the good behaviour of the majority of children and pop them into the classes 'golden good news' post box. Another strategy they like is to be given raffle tickets. At every opportunity, whenever they see any good behaviour (and you need to identify a list of good behaviours, e.g. lining up calmly, good manners etc.) they hand the child a raffle ticket with the words "good choice". (See All Year Round Mosley J and Thorpe G, LDA 2002). The pupils then put their raffle tickets into a big drum, which, on a Friday assembly is bought onto the stage as the weekly midday supervisor's celebration of 'great lunchtime behaviour'. A child then does a loud drum roll, a hand plunges into the raffle tickets, draws one out and hush goes over the crowd, a prize is awarded, a huge cheer erupts…. And the midday supervisors self-esteem is lifted a little. There are lots of other ideas in the above book…but you may have tried them all. The learning I still find the hardest to swallow is that, despite the fact I have been as warm and positive as I can (or at least I think I have!) I still cannot win all people over. Sometimes you may have to go down a more radical route. Some schools will tell you they have raised money through PTA and bought in paid play leaders. Some schools have bought in trained sixth formers…its an ongoing long-term task and, as I said at the beginning, you all deserve to succeed - but we don’t all get what we deserve!!!
Q: Very interesting reading, thanks to everyone who is contributing, and Jenny and Michele you should be proud I have never seen such long and thoughtful responses. When a school considers bullying it must also look at staff relationships and particularly how the leadership team operates. Children do learn some of their behaviour from the adults in the school. With respect to the gender issue this a hotseat in itself. We can all learn from each other; and in my experience there is a huge amount to be learnt from different cultures and how they effectively develop their citizens- I very rarely have to deal with Hindu bullies for eg; and finally we should consider socio-economic factors - I have worked in leafy middle class suburbs and the hard edged inner city estates - the families on the estates could teach the middle classes a few things - total transparency and speaking their minds - goes along way to reducing bullying at times.
Jenny: Thank you for your kind comment… in some ways I wish I could make shorter answers… I just don’t seem to have the knack, all the answers have so many layers to them. It’s a bit like when we are doing an 'initial information gathering day' in a school - the children's circle times give so much information, so many pointers that you could be on the trail of understanding the issues forever! I agree with you that the gender issue is definitely a hot seat in itself. I also agree with you that there are huge cultural differences and mores, which affect peoples responses towards each other (in some Asian cultures its considered disrespectful to look directly into the eyes of another person - in our culture you can be judged shifty if you don’t). However, recently I have been incredibly lucky and have done a lot of teaching of teachers and pupils in other countries - India, Thailand, Malaysia etc. What I am completely fascinated by is how some of the problems between people are universal! Backbiting, disrespectful talking, gossip, sharpness, one-upmanship (all the behaviours traditionally associated with low self-esteem) happen everywhere and drive people wild. Praise, fun, games, action learning make people laugh and like each other. I think I have completely lost the plot here - its early in the morning, I thought I was onto a winner but my writing is tapering away into banal truisms. Forgive me you nearly had an interesting answer - I think you have just been given a load of drivel… this sometimes happens when I am faced with too huge an issue… I meander off in another direction. Still this issue would make a wonderful rambly chat sometime.
Q: A quick post script to the pirates. Some boys set fire to the corridor that had the treasure island in it over half term. Possible culprits include 2 Yr.6 boys who joined us in Nov. 2002. Could it be that we had not been able to give then a sense of true belonging to the school in that short time? The corridor will be out of action for a while and we have a great deal of smoke damage to deal with. It was truly awful to see all the hard work of both staff and children literally go up in smoke, plus the loss of equipment. The question we would like an answer to is why? Unfortunately, there isn't one other than they were out to do damage. Staff will find it hard to work with the suspects when we return tomorrow and as Head, I don't have the words to make it better.
Jenny: what a horrible ending to such fabulous work. The difficult thing is that when something goes wrong we tend to take it personally, rather than stick with the issue. It feels like a personal violation, when in fact many circumstances could have contributed to this fire incident. We don't know enough about certain children, the pressures they are under regarding their peer group, their family, their neighbourhood etc. The question is always "why", and in many ways it's unanswerable. There could be a million reasons - maybe you're right, they could be having a hard time settling in and are wanting to retaliate. It could be a dare. It could be a mistake, they might have been playing with fire but not really have meant for this to happen. They could have a history of rage and hurt. And so the list goes on. There are no words to help the teachers and the other children feel better - other than the actual island did exist. You may want to ask children to contribute with words in assembly to making a word picture of the island, what can they remember? What colours were there? Who made what bit? Who imagined what the sand looked like? How hot was it there…and lead them towards the idea that objects and people may move away but no-one can take away our memories, if
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