How can we sort out our bullying problem in which the parents do not help?
Q: Does anyone have any new and successful tips to sort out bullying? I have one group of P7 girls who refuse to be turned around by all the anti-bullying work we do and Circle Time and citizenship ideas and the parents aren't of much help?
Jenny: Circle time helps act as a review body for whatever strategies or policies the class has decided to put in place. So, for example, if a strategy was put into place that the girls were going to play safely together on step 4 (circle time if done properly has 5 steps) would involve the pupils in nominating each other for sustaining the improvement. Consequently, different pupils could be nominated for exhibiting various qualities of friendship. For example, the teacher could ask the question “who are you pleased with because they have managed to stay friendly without breaking up with anyone?” “Who are you pleased with because they only say positive things about people and they never say unkind things behind people’s backs?” “Who are you pleased with because they introduced new games?” They then receive a class team honours certificate signed by the whole class. In this way it might just be possible to keep an eye on the emotional pulse of the class. You would know from who they did not nominate how the dynamics were developing. You would know from who did get nominated, and by whom, how friendships were developing. Don’t forget that before a teacher asks a question, she prefaces it with “Remember – you can only nominate people who are not your best friend as they already know that you appreciate them”. If ‘offering friendship’ to the whole class becomes the defining ethos, they will work harder towards it.
The bigger issue is the parents. Quite often children’s relationships reflect the state of relationships amongst the parents. I don’t know how much proactive work you might have done with parents. The types of proactive activities a school has to engage in to involve parents are wide. Have they received a parent’s booklet explaining how the positive behaviour policy works? In that booklet there should be a paragraph on how parents need to behave positively towards each other and the school. It’s always best to strike while the iron is cold! If this type of work has gone on beforehand, it acts as a document that you can refer with parents. It is important to explain that there is a circle time suggestion box where children can post anonymously incidents that worry them. Explain that you are teaching children to take responsibilities for their actions and responses, and therefore you would expect parents to get in touch about issues that matter to everyone. At this point in the booklet you describe the behaviours. I think you need to be very firm. Plan, do, review. Ask parents in, plan the strategy, give it time to work and set a review date with them that actually suits you. Again this procedure needs to go into a parent booklet, maybe under a title “Showing respect to each other”. But it may be possible that this is very hard to be clear about your boundaries if parents are used to being immediately responded to. It’s a very complex issue and waves of empathy will be flowing the way of the person who asked the question from many heads. Sometimes being assertive can be very helpful (sometimes not). Maybe it’s time for a parents evening on self-esteem and how it affects a child’s life. I often mention how damaging it is for children who are labelled by teachers or parents. If I can give a presentation on the psychology of self-esteem without pointing the finger at the individuals who are damaging other people’s self-esteem, somehow it can resonate within them. They feel uncomfortable, especially if I quote research that shows the long term damaging effects of being bullied or being the bully and sometimes they will gently back off.
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