How can we support a child who is being verbally bullied?
Q: Any suggestions on how to support a boy who is being verbally bullied because he is quiet, clever and operates outside the "culture of the rest of the class”? By culture I mean music, football and 'image.'
Jenny: For me, the way forward lies, in a sense, in your phrase 'the culture of the rest of the class'. I think that it is vital that time is spent with pupils on a range of ways to create a culture that celebrates diversity in all its forms. One of the strategies that we advocate lies in circle time. We have a particular 5 step model. The first step, called 'meeting up', involves the children in learning social skills through games. The second step, 'warming up', offers each child a voice through 'the round'. The third step, 'opening up', helps children to focus on issues that they find important, puzzling, engaging, worrying. Committed classes would contain a circle time suggestion box where children can, anonymously, put in suggestions for what they would like dealt with at this stage. We find a range of issues such as a child who cannot sleep at night because she had no friends, children who feel excluded, children not knowing how to organise their homework, worried about the war etc etc. We then open these issues up in an emotionally safe way. We sometimes use metaphor e.g. puppets, poems, role-play….sometimes real scripts and question and answer techniques.
But it is he fourth step that really gets to grips with the issue you raise. This step is called 'cheering up'; the celebration of success. Through the skilful use of teacher led questions e.g. "is there anyone in this class team you are pleased with because they are always quiet, work successful and create a calm atmosphere for all of us to work in?". Other pupils then put their hand with a similar script "We are pleased with…..because we have noticed that you work really hard and are very quiet". If the majority of other pupils agree they also put their hands up - this acts as a pupil nomination for that pupil to receive a 'Class Team Honours Certificate'. The nominated pupil then receives a certificate signed by all the class. In this way the pupils 'own the process' - it's not the teacher urging them to get on and like everybody - they themselves are celebrating people's individuality and they too often receive nomination 'for being positive', 'for noticing the good in others'. We will sometimes ask questions like, "Is there anyone in your class team who you are pleased with as they don't get in to any fights - they are very calm people?" All of a sudden you have helped them to reframe that child from being, a ‘wimp' to a 'self-controlled, self-disciplined person'.
It is vital that every pupil can look at another pupil and see their positive qualities. If explicit time is made for this fourth step it teaches children to celebrate. Like everything, energy can go either way. If there is no explicit time made for pupils to own part of the incentive process and make positive comments, the energy will turn into negativity and name-calling. This is why teaching is one of the most demanding jobs ever, because whatever mood you in are and however a pupil has hurt or annoyed you, you still have to look for the good in that pupil in order to help influence the class attitude. Many schools on step four employ the strategy of 'special pupil of the week'. Each week (and every pupil will have a turn by the end of term) a pupil is nominated to be the focus of the class's positive thinking. Good memories of that person, comments on their qualities and strengths are contributed by the class. That child also will get all the main responsibilities; they will take the register, be first out of the class, get the opportunity to be interviewed by the class. This is an exceptionally powerful strategy that helps contribute to the culture of celebration. I have a team of 30 consultants who all work with pupils in front of teachers in early years, primary and secondary. The generosity of pupils towards each other on step four is stunning. Adolescents, if given the opportunity to shape and own the process themselves are unfailingly positive towards a range of individuals.
To all you intrepid readers, thank you for staying with me. True inclusiveness is at the heart of this question. The ability of people not to be threatened by other people's success. The ability of people to be warm towards others who don't conform. The ability to always be able to look for the positive in other people is at the heart of emotional and social growth. The challenge for the teacher is to model this philosophy when under huge pressure. The joy of properly structured circle times is that the fourth step reminds you, as a teacher, to carry out this philosophy. The biggest problem at the moment is, as I see it, that there are many poor circle times across the country. A lot of teachers are gathering pupils together in a circle just to preach at them. Children are becoming bored. 'Speaking and listening' has become a turnoff. These circle times lack structure, rigour, dynamism and a true understanding of what circle time is about. This is because teachers very rarely have had proper training in how to carry out one of the most important strategies which should be at the heart of the curriculum. Many teachers only have circle time if there is a problem; therefore kids are 'hyping up' their problems to get more circle time!!
People are delivering other courses to teachers in circle time who have not practised it in their own classes and consequently it can become very diluted and devoid of joy. Numeracy and literacy strategies demands specialist trainers, yet we allow emotional literacy training to be carried out by people who may or may not have had training themselves in this area. Sorry to become so strident, but it is a problem. Circle time has become a buzzword - a trendy quick-fix strategy. It actually has to be based on sound psychology and the aim of it is to help children to develop empathy towards the community in their class and then the wider community. But the systems (and this is why circle time is an eco-systemic approach) have to be created on a weekly basis for this relationship training to take place. So, hopefully other teachers will also have a range of ideas for transforming the culture of classes. Celebration assemblies, circle times and reward systems contributed to by other pupils go some way to this end. We can also concentrate on the parallel activity of boosting the self-esteem of the individual and offering circles of support. Both the individual and the group dynamic have to be tackled at the same time.
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