How do we get to the heart of a bullying problem?
Q: We use Circle Time from N-P7 in our school and discussions are always great. However I have a specific problem: I have a bully in the school whose big brother was a bully and he have inherited his title. I can't get the rest to stop feeling threatened. They do whatever he says, pick his work for awards, etc. Parents come in when I ask but with little effect. How can I be effective as a headteacher?
Jenny: Isn’t it
amazing how difficult it is to get to the heart of a bullying problem? It is so
multi-layered. Strangely a person who bullies often has low self-esteem. If you
feel good enough about yourself you don’t need to ride rough shod over other
peoples feelings. Seizing power by hurting others is one way of feel
temporarily in control. For whatever reason his brother took on the role of
bully which would have fed his need for attention and the feeling of being
‘somebody’… and now this lad has followed in the same path.
Building self-esteem
is the first step towards helping children and adults to feel important without
feeling the need to dominate another. Many schools in Golden Time encourage the
older children to go and work with the younger children. The P7’s will submit
maths games or construction toys ideas to their teacher in order that they can
go down and teach younger children. There is an old Indian proverb, which says,
“If you want to help a child let them help someone else”. It might be good to
think of many ways he could use his power benignly. If you could help him to
build a reputation as a helper it might help combat the current reputation. Do
you have Playground Friends in your school? Would he be interested in applying
and getting a role at lunchtime that supports other people?
Some schools bring
in older people for Circle Time and/or Golden Time. Often pupils discover
another side to themselves when interacting with different people. Is this a
possibility? How well is Circle Time run in the school? If it is just sitting
around discussing issues and problems it won’t be powerful enough. Circle Time
should teach an emotional curriculum, i.e. how to negotiate, resolve conflict,
ask for and give help, give and receive praise and solve problems as a group.
Does it have this dimension to it? It should be pacey, focused and
developmental if it is to teach children new skills.
Back to our young man; try as many ways as you can to get the class to see him
in a different light. You might make ‘Being Kind’ a theme for the week. We have
class target sheets where the whole class works towards their chosen goal. If
this pupil was able to demonstrate kindness (with your help) …then the class
will see him earning points for all of them. Just as it is possible to earn a
bad reputation, it is possible to earn a good reputation. With the help of your
staff you could all concentrate on the positive and, as far as possible, ignore
the negative and lets see how this approach works. Best of luck!
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