Q: How can we deal with some parents who misinterpret what bullying is and fall out with each other?
Q: Our school has dealt well with bullying and we have created a caring school but some parents seem to miss the point. They refer to bullying when what has happened is that their child has fallen out with their best friend and demand punishment when discussion and understanding is needed. Solve their own problems by fighting on the school drive and blame me and the school for adult bullying that occurs on the estate around the school. This outside culture makes it difficult for the children in school. Any suggestions on how to reach parents?
Jenny: Involving parents is a massive whole school commitment. But it is the only way forward for without huge efforts parents will remain on the fringe and they will constantly be alert to bullying problems and imaginary dangers due to their lack of real understanding. When we work in depth in a school we always arrange a parents evening. We don't call it 'anti-bullying', 'positive behaviour' we have a title that draws them in; 'Help Your Child Do Well At School'!!! (This strategy is mentioned in my early book Turn Your School Round (1993)) At this evening we focus strongly on self-esteem. We talk about parent, teacher and child self-esteem. How we can knock it, how we can build it up. Many schools will tell you that on this evening they have bought in a circle of pupils and run a proper circle time.
Parents are fascinated as the emotional curriculum is not one that they have any experience of. They can then see, in action, the fragile process of building up relationships. We also then ask the parents to get into smaller circles where they come up with ideas for how they can build the self-esteem of their children at home and work in partnership with the school.
If schools neglect this area it leaves them vulnerable to parents constantly putting teachers down, children being caught emotionally between their parents and their teachers and a real misinterpretation of what bullying is. To build the process of respect we also bring parents in for Golden Time and have invitations to class circle times, if the class agree. In primary schools we have a reward system called 'Table Of The Week' (for pupils who have shown good manners in the dining hall and they have invitations to bring to that table either their best friend, their teachers, or their parent…). I truly believe that many schools will want to respond to you as there is some fabulous work going on by schools who are committed to involving parents.
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