Jenny Mosley Consultancies

Home/Questions & Answers/Bullying and anti-social behaviour

Q: What are the bullying behaviours that we should look for?

Q:  Although I deal with many 'bullies', I see few examples of bullying - I attribute this to a successful policy and system - and keep parents' letters as a testimony to this success. In dealing with the problem, I have found work with the victims is far more important than work with the bullies. Use of a home-school book and general awareness of 'being watched' is often invaluable in developing confidence to cope with conflict. In fact, I find that the bully is often unaware of the true impact of the behaviour, and this can be addressed in a low-key way, and avoid resentment and conflict - indeed, I now have a former bully and victim who are firm friends!! I have just begun work with the local Council for Voluntary Service on a bullying project, and suggested that while questionnaires to pupils, staff, parents etc may be useful, I think they would gain more information by observation and recording of behaviours of both victims and bullies. I have suggested some behaviours to look for - but feel the information I have given is rather inadequate as a checklist. Any suggestions as to behaviours which may be typical of bullies/victims - eg body language, ways of greeting, games played etc. I hope this project may succeed in modifying some of the 'micro-behaviours' which can be easily changed and stop a child being treated as a victim

Jenny: I am impressed with your work on bullying projects. What you describe is an ethos of emotional safety where young people feel that the organisation is prepared to put their theoretical adherence to anti bullying into genuine practise. Personally I find that, quite often, low self esteem is a key factor affecting both the bully and the victim. The truth is that if you feel good about yourself why would you want to hurt anyone else or allow yourself to continue to be hurt. Disempowered people end up disempowering others. A child who is not having his needs met will often need to make someone else angry, so for a few minutes he or she can feel a temporary sense of personal power. I am simplifying too much, but basically what we are both saying is that it is a very complex issue. I can't help with a list of suitable behaviours that would be atypical of bullies/victims (although there are many such lists describing children with emotional and behavioural difficulties). However, the psychologists Nowicki et al have researched and written on inner locus of control. Two of their range of books on how to relate positively to other children teach children positive body language. Two particularly good books are 'Helping the Child Who Doesn't Fit In' and 'Teaching Your Child The Language of Social Success'. I'm sure there are many, many more - and probably Michelle will have a resources list available in this particular field.

Related Tags »

• Bullying