When does bullying become bullying?
Q: When does bullying become bullying? I find that
almost any squabble is seen by a lot of pupils and parents as bullying and not
as one off disagreements. I am not condoning these or making light of them, but
they are a long way from bullying. The term seems to have been
"captured" and now means any conflict between pupils. Is this because
of the high profile bullying rightly has and how it is misunderstood by some.
Inclusion is another area of our schools that can generate
bullying. Have you experience of how truly inclusive schools have approached
this, both from the included pupil and the others in a group / class / school?
Jenny: I know exactly what
you mean. When I run circletimes with children and I have a round of ‘I don’t
like it when…’, children will often say ‘ I don’t like it when I am bullied’.
Later in the discussion we will find out that the child is referring to the
fact that another child chose to leave her out of a game or they weren’t
allowed to sit next to their best friend in the dining hall. It is almost if
the word ‘bullying’ has come to mean ‘hurt feelings’. I think it’s important
that schools do sit down and discuss what is meant by bullying…although ‘hurt
feelings’ also deserve total attention. It is useful to have a circletime
suggestion box where children can put in things they are worried about so we
can deal with the issue without calling it bullying. There was one in the box
from a little girl who said ‘what do you do when you cannot sleep at night
because you haven’t got a best friend?’ This is not a case of the class
bullying her, but it is a case of a child needing support. I tend not to use
the word bullying at all when I am working with children or doing assemblies. I
use the Golden Rules, ‘we are gentle…we are kind…we listen…etc, etc…’ and we
talk specifically about each of these values. I think language can define
problems. If the children hear a lot of vocabulary around bullying they will
take it home and parents will pick up on it.
If circle time is used well…and often it is just an extended moan about
problems…but if it is vibrant, exciting and positive it has a wonderful
potential to help a school truly become inclusive. Step four in Circle Time
encourages children to nominate other children, who are not their best friend,
for kindness to others. Today I was working with children in P7 and I asked
them ‘who are you pleased with in your class because they never get irritated
with anyone and they always include people?’. They nominated various children
and then the whole class signed the certificates for these children. If the
ethos of a school is about celebrating the kindness and gentleness of children
– then the school will move towards a true spirit of inclusion. I am more
worried about staff not being inclusive towards other staff. Quite often we
have teachers not including teaching assistants in some of the planning and the
strategies for working with difficult children. In some schools the teachers do
not value to midday supervisor and there has been no whole school training with
every adult invited – including the janitor.
Soooo…it’s a whole school issue. Your values, rewards, sanctions and listening
systems all have to embrace inclusion. I’m sure lots of other heads will have
some great ideas. Thank you for raising this important issue.
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